Kimberkin-Archive Entry 001: The Midnight Snack Incident

There are two kinds of people in this world.

People who wake up at 2:13 in the morning, realize they’re hungry, and go back to sleep.

And people who understand that the universe has issued a snack-related emergency.

I am the second kind.

I entered the kitchen quietly. Not because I was trying to hide anything.

Because snacks behave differently when they know you’re coming.

The refrigerator light came on.

We made eye contact.

I surveyed my options.

Leftover pizza, string cheese, half a container of something I no longer trusted, and one cinnamon roll.

One.

Now, I don’t know what happened to the rest of them.

I wasn’t asking questions.

The cinnamon roll had survived.

That was enough.

I placed it on a plate and stared at it.

Cold?

Absolutely not.

A cinnamon roll deserves warmth.

Comfort.

A second chance.

So into the microwave it went.

Twenty seconds.

I waited.

BEEP.

Perfect.

Except…

the icing had completely abandoned the cinnamon roll and was now forming a small lake around it.

This was not a problem.

This was an opportunity.

I grabbed a fork.

Then I noticed something.

A sound behind me.

Very faint.

crinkle.

I froze.

There it was again.

crinkle.

Slowly, I turned around.

Nothing.

I checked the doorway.

Nothing.

I checked the counter.

Nothing.

Then I looked down.

An open bag of chips sat on the floor.

I had not opened a bag of chips.

At least…

I didn’t remember opening a bag of chips.

I picked it up.

Barbecue.

Not even my first choice.

Something was wrong.

I backed away slowly, cinnamon roll in one hand, suspicious chips in the other.

That’s when I saw it.

Near the refrigerator.

A tiny piece of cheese.

I stared at it.

The refrigerator stared at me.

And somewhere in the house…

something moved.

Nope.

Absolutely not.

Whatever was happening in that kitchen could continue without me.

I took the cinnamon roll.

I took the chips.

And I left the cheese as an offering.

Because sometimes being Snack Squad Leader means knowing when a snack is yours…

and when you need to mind your business.

ARCHIVE NOTE

The cheese was gone the next morning.

No further investigation was conducted.

— Kimberkin