The Replacement Program | Ch. 1 : The Confidential Delivery

KIMBOVERSE CHRONICLES

Volume Two: The Replacement Program

Chapter One: The Confidential Delivery

Featuring Kimbercoon

The trouble with confidential information is that people immediately assume they’re important enough to receive it. And somewhere in the Kimboverse, six black envelopes had appeared. No return addresses. No explanations. Each marked CONFIDENTIAL in gold lettering.

One of those envelopes had found its way to Kimbercoon.

Kimbercoon’s Investigation Log

I knew something was suspicious the moment I saw the envelope. Black. Gold lettering. Confidential. Three signs of either a government conspiracy or an excellent career opportunity. Naturally, I opened it.

OFFICIAL NOTICE

You have been selected for advancement consideration. Your evaluation begins immediately.

Assignment: Identify the individual least qualified for continued advancement. Do not discuss this notice with other candidates.

I read it twice. Advancement. Evaluation. Other candidates.

I was being considered for a promotion. Finally. Someone had recognized my investigative talents. I wasn’t entirely sure what position I was being promoted to, but I assumed it involved authority, a private office, and possibly dental insurance. I’ve never needed dental insurance. But successful people have benefits.

Then I noticed something troubling.

OTHER CANDIDATES.

Plural. Which meant someone else believed they were qualified for my promotion.

This was concerning. Especially since I hadn’t applied.

I immediately launched an investigation. My first suspect was Kimberkin. She had previously appointed herself Supreme Minister of Emergency Cookies. A person who creates imaginary government positions clearly has political ambitions.

And access to biscuits. Both suspicious.

Next was KimberCrim. Her previous involvement with anonymous suggestions, questionable advice, and the attempted replacement of The Ruler with a houseplant made her a strong candidate for workplace sabotage. Also, the houseplant received two votes. I’ve never trusted plants with political influence.

Then there was Kimbo. She once interpreted a routine memo as an invitation to perform an interpretive dance. If she received a promotion letter, she’d probably arrive wearing a crown and demanding a spotlight. Honestly, that would make her easy to identify.

Kimbopausal was another possibility. Her ongoing relationship with the thermostat suggested an unstable negotiating strategy. She could potentially advance through intimidation.

Or spontaneous combustion. I wasn’t ruling either out.

Which brought me to The Ruler. Now, The Ruler already considers herself the highest authority in the Kimboverse. Would she apply for a promotion? Or would she secretly be the one evaluating everyone else?

Interesting. Extremely interesting.

I had uncovered a possible conspiracy. Unfortunately, I had absolutely no evidence. But evidence has never been particularly important during the early stages of my investigations. I returned to the letter.

Identify the individual least qualified for continued advancement.

That was the assignment. Simple enough. All I needed to do was determine which of these people was the least qualified. After reviewing their histories, I reached a disturbing conclusion. Every single one of them was unqualified. Some impressively so.

This presented a new problem. If everyone was unqualified, who was going to receive the promotion?

Obviously, me.

I was the only person conducting a proper investigation. I had reviewed five suspects, established several possible motives, and identified a houseplant with a questionable political background. That’s leadership. I prepared my official findings.

INVESTIGATION STATUS: ACTIVE

SUSPECTS: EVERYONE

PERSONAL QUALIFICATIONS: EXCELLENT

OBJECTIVITY: UNNECESSARY

There was still one detail bothering me. The letter specifically instructed me not to discuss the evaluation with other candidates. Which meant someone expected us to talk. Or someone was afraid of what we’d discover if we did.

I considered confronting The Ruler. Then KimberCrim. Then the houseplant.

But a true investigator knows when to remain silent. And when to pretend she knows significantly more than she does.

For now, I would observe. I would investigate. And I would identify whoever was standing between me and my promotion. Because one thing was certain. Someone in the Kimboverse was hiding something. And I intended to find out who.

CASE FILE 001: OPEN

PROMOTION STATUS: PRACTICALLY GUARANTEED

LEVEL OF SUSPICION: EVERYONE EXCEPT ME

End of Kimbercoon’s Investigation Log.

Elsewhere in the Kimboverse, five other confidential letters had been opened.

Each contained a different assignment.

And none of the recipients knew they were being drawn into the same evaluation.

END OF CHAPTER ONE

Chapter 2 ➡