THE UNREQUESTED AUDITION
Updated: Oct 21
Chronicles | Vol 1, Chap 4
Kimbo: The Costume Queen Archives - Entry 003
The official investigation into the Kimboverse Suggestion Box was supposed to be over.
The box had been confiscated.
The unauthorized appointments had been revoked.
And interpretive dance had been formally prohibited as a method of official communication.
Unfortunately, nobody had informed Kimbo.
Actually, someone had informed Kimbo.
She simply disagreed.
Kimbo had discovered a copy of the original proposal requiring all official announcements to be delivered through interpretive dance.
She read it twice.
Then she circled the words official announcements.
Clearly, the Kimboverse needed an official spokesperson.
And who better to represent the Kimboverse than its own Costume Queen?
KIMBO — ENTRY 003
Did somebody say spokesperson?
I've been waiting for someone to recognize the obvious.
There was no audition.
I submitted it anyway.
My application included a performance résumé, a lighting diagram, three proposed entrance songs, and a handwritten note stating:
“I don’t do announcements. I make appearances.”
I also requested a dressing room, a full-length mirror, and a production budget.
The Ruler denied the request.
I responded by submitting a revised budget.
It was higher.
When questioned about the increase, I explained that The Ruler’s interference had created additional production expenses.
She included a disruption fee.
Further complications arose when I discovered an official-looking audition notice bearing the words:
KIMBOVERSE OFFICIAL SPOKESPERSON AUDITIONS
Designated Performance Area: Chair.
I examined the notice.
I had questions.
Not about the legitimacy of the audition.
About the chair.
Was it upholstered?
Would it rotate?
Could it accommodate a dramatic entrance?
And most importantly, who was responsible for removing it before the final number?
The notice provided no answers.
It did, however, contain a handwritten instruction:
“All complaints must be submitted through the appropriate committee.”
I recognized the handwriting.
I chose not to mention it.
After all, questioning the legitimacy of an audition I had already decided to attend seemed unnecessarily inconvenient.
Instead, Iarrived at the designated performance area and discovered a folding chair.
No stage.
No spotlight.
No dressing room.
Just a chair.
I stared at it.
Then I placed my sunglasses on the seat.
“Well. At least someone reserved my dressing room.”
The Ruler subsequently issued a formal statement confirming that no spokesperson position existed, no auditions had been authorized, and no production budget would be approved.
I acknowledged the statement.
I then requested permission to film the announcement denying her permission to perform announcements.
That request was also denied.
I have since announced that I am considering an independent production.
Working title:
The Audacity of No Spotlight.
An unauthorized audition notice remains under investigation.
The identity of the person responsible has not been confirmed.
However, the handwriting appears suspiciously familiar.
And the chair?
The chair has been returned to its original location.
At least, that’s what the paperwork says.
-Kimbo, The Costume Queen
P.S. I still haven't recieved an official rejection of my request for a spotlight. Until then, I consider the matter open.
END OF CHAPTER FOUR
Somewhere in the Kimboverse, a chair is accumulating responsibilities nobody remembers assigning it.
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